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quote:Perhaps the \"will\" of the universe is to have the MAN make the decision.Sure. And that will be verified by the results of the coin toss or straw draw..

quote:Originally posted by DianaPrince:
I meant the thread to be educational for those (mostly men) who cant seem to understand WHY the pursuit of education, job skills, etc. can be very important to some women, without it being indicative of her having abandoned her \'femininity\', or heterosexuality, or the desire to be a supportive wife and mother, etc. I believe that a lot of the current inter-gender hostilities result largely from a lack of communication or understanding of what factors are motivating men and women in this the 21st century, so instead ,all sorts of inaccurate assumptions and conclusions are made.
I\'ll be waiting to here more responses from the males on this board. It\'s always better to be safe than sorry...so a woman who pursues her education, and obtaining valuable job skills in this society would only help, not hinder her and her family. What if the husband gets laid off? I\'m witnessing this now in my area...steel mills are closing right before the holidays, it\'s sad.
I have a good husband, but the reason to motivate me to continue to pursue my education/career is that what if God forbid my husband dies. Then what? Women do outlive men, and I\'ve seen too many women being thrown into poverty b/c of her husband\'s death. Or, maybe he\'ll want someone younger and tauter, whateva the case...a woman has to be prepared.
I\'ve stayed home with my boys for 2yrs...rewarding and challenging. I\'m planning on taking my LPN boards in March, and going back to work next year.

Blue velvet/Mommy…both have professions they can step back into with the quickness…
There is a teachers and nursing shortage all over the nation…believe me your skills are in HIGH HIGH demand!…My mom is a retired RN…. however she works one day a week because the agency BEGGED her to return.  So she does private duty to a bed ridden MS patient in her mansion once a week…..which is cool with  Mom’s….it’s her  mad money to shop with

Alright, it is time for CROWN to step in and break it down, so that it will forever and consistently BE BROKE!!!
DP,
The \"plan\" you presented gets my vote of confidence.  Let me explain why, in relation to me and my lady.
1) I can\'t stand a dumb azz female!!!  I mean, I REALLY ABSOLUTELY CANNOT STAND THEM!!  Yeah, on occasion, I joke (seriously though) about how sweet the idea of a woman being seen and not heard sounds.  WHY? Because sometimes ya\'ll run off at the mouth to doggone much!!  However, I have more respect for a woman (like yourself. SUPRISE, SUPRISE!!) who has an opinion, than a woman who is a footstool and walks around with her head down.
Not to be nitpicky, but I am not going to \"respect\" my ladies opinions when it comes to ANY and ALL decision because there are plenty of things that she doesn\'t know JACK about.  But nonetheless, I understand your point. I just felt I had to say a little something on it.
I agree with the old fart (you all know who that is), that there HAS TO BE SOMEONE, upon whose shoulders the final decision and ultimately responsibility for that decision rests upon.  Guess who I vote for?
WHY?? As I have so \"simply\" said on numerous occasions, \"ANYTHING WITH TWO HEADS IS A FREAK\".  YES, I want a woman who I can CONSULT with, and that is what I have in my lady.  I value her OVERALL opinion.  But you know what, she doesn\'t want to be, and I wouldn\'t be in a relationship with her if she wanted to be, the one to have to make the \"final decision\" on most things.
You can ask her, and she will tell you that I consistently ask her for her opinion on MOST things that involve us.  I wouldn\'t make a major purchase without first consulting her. I wouldn\'t make a major decision about our future children without first consulting her.  HOWEVER, if we can\'t come to an accord on something, GUESS WHAT??? THAT\'S RIGHT, YOU GOT IT!!! The MAN makes the final decision!!!
This goes back to the whole topic (sorry to bring it up once again) of......HERE IT COMES...SUBMISSION!! Yes, SUBMISSION.  But not in the sense and definition that most ignant azz knuckleheads (both male and female) percieve it to be.
DP,  all the things you talked about, are EXACTLY what I have CONSISTENTLY been talking about whenever I brought up the topic of SUBMISSION!!!  I have never said that a woman should be a man\'s footstool in when I talked about SUBMISSION.
2) Once again, going back to SUBMISSION to answer this part of DP\'s \"HEDGES\".  I have said that in order for a man to be WORTHY of having a woman \"SUBMIT\" to his leadership in the family unit, he ABSOLUTELY MUST meet three CRUCIAL requirements.  He must A) Be willing to make HER well being of primary importance. He must B) Love her as he loves his own self.  And he must C) Be willing to sacrifice EVERYTHING for her.
Now will someone PLEASE tell me where what I have CONSISTENTLY been saying is so vastly different from what DP is saying???
And here is another point.  It\'s a straight trip to me to have so many women tell me IN PRIVATE that \"CROWN, MYSELF AND MANY OTHER WOMEN WOULD ACTUALLY LOVE TO HAVE A MAN LIKE YOU.\" Yet, publicly, they don\'t have the guts to admit it!!!  WHATEVER!!!!
So anyway, to hell with what little sawed off half-pint gangsta rap, gun toting \"evolved\" males have to say.  I KNOW there is a LONG LIST of women who would MUCH PREFER a man like myself over misfits like Cross Damon (yeah, ni##a, I am calling out your name, so f#ck you!!!)
If a man wants to be \"THE MAN\", then he dayum well better ACT LIKE IT!! Don\'t have your wife living hand to mouth, and then expect her to continue to blindly follow your stupid azz.  Hell, she can do bad all by her dayum self!!!!
But ladies, if you have a man, who has FIRST demonstrated CONSISTENTLY that he is a man of good character and integrity.  If you have a man who DESIRES to step up to the plate and accept the INCREDIBLE RESPONSIBILITY of being the \"head\" of the family, and the provider and the protector of the family, DON\'T BUST HIS BALLS OVER EVERY LITTLE DETAIL!!!
3) I can tell you that in my relationship, I CONSISTENTLY treat my lady (notice how I always refer to her as MY LADY) with HONOR, RESPECT, LOYALTY, and COMPASSION, even when SHE SURE AS HELL DOESN\'T DESERVE IT!!
I know some of you are out there disagreeing with me about that. TO HELL WITH THAT!! NOBODY is ALWAYS deserving of always being treated like a king/queen!!! Yeah, she is my queen, and I love her completely and I would give my life for hers. But sometimes she acts like a straight up @#$#@$.  Sometimes, she is pretty dayum UNGRATEFUL!!!!  But you know what, I STILL treat her well. WHY?? Because later on, she feels like TOTAL SHYT for the way she acted, and I get to gloat!!! ROFLMBAO  
Verbal abuse, MANNNNNNNNN, I can\'t tell you how tempting it is to go off on her at times.  Emotional abuse, NAH!! Physical abuse, NAH!!!  Meeting her sexual desires/needs, NOT A PROBLEM!!  She would tell you herself how great of a lover (as in spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically), but she is afraid someone else will take an interest in me, and she KNOWS that she has a goldmine in her backyard.
Faithful, NOT A PROBLEM!!!  I value my personal integrity and character WAY MORE than a stray piece of coochie!!
4) As for as my lady extending the same courtesies to me, YOU BETTER DAYUM WELL BELIEVE IT!!! Nothing else is acceptable.  
So DP,  I guess the only place we differ is on the idea of the man having the ultimate final say.  And darlin, I will tell you this much, if you are looking for a man with all those other traits, I will tell you that MOST LIKELY, he is going to be just like me, and he will WANT the ability to make the final decision.
[This message has been edited by crown (edited 12-01-2001).]

Tanq. Please and thank yous? I can tell you never been married. Please and thank yous usually are never heard and seldom is I\'m sorry.

Mommy2, this is the group of family and friends that you have no need to argue with about your choice. No one here is picking on you. I personally like and respect you for the balance you bring to women like me. I can say for a fact to men, if you don\'t like me and who I have become due to my life choices there are other women that are making the choices for themselves that you want to be a part of find one of those women.
It\'s all about the ability to choose that we have now that we didn\'t before. Just like all people now can choose to be ditch diggers or CEO\'s, women can choose any combination of lifestyles to fulfill their dreams of family.
Also in this day and age it would be great that you could no longer feel the need to defend your choice. I understand your choice just like I feel at your level of intelligence that you understand my position. I feel no need to defend any longer my position as a single mom. I have been fortunate that my parents retired, they share the kid watching duty while I work, so my daughter had limited exposure to daycare. I thank my parents daily that they have really embrassed the extended grandparent role and look after my daughter the way they do.
Now comments on this post, I am raising my hand to say I hedge all my relationships, this is because of my track record of great loss financially and being made homeless once by doing what a man asked me to do. No one has my best interests in mind better than I do and since I am grown I have to look after myself.
BG

Ladies, with so many of us qualifying for membership, sounds like we have an unofficial AHB club...HEDGERS INCORPORATED (Hedgers Inc.).  So, ^5 to all the card carrying members of Hedgers Inc..
For all the ladies who mentioned still managing their family life well, in spite of working full time outside the home....no debate there, I know it can be done.  
I meant the thread to be educational for those (mostly men) who cant seem to understand WHY the pursuit of education, job skills, etc. can be very important to some women, without it being indicative of her having abandoned her \'femininity\', or heterosexuality, or the desire to be a supportive wife and mother, etc.
I believe that a lot of the current inter-gender hostilities result largely from a lack of communication or understanding of what factors are motivating men and women in this the 21st century, so instead ,all sorts of inaccurate assumptions and conclusions are made.

Aphro, hon, my comment to you was based on you statement: \"It is a very honorable place to be and you know, the majority of those naysayers ARE jealous, that\'s right Jealous!\".  Point is, jealousy is NOT necessarily the reason for being a \'naysayer\' not even for the majority.  Life is more complex than that.
Hey Sheel, with an \"ITA\" from YOU, my post cant have been too bad..
Rain, gurl, the origins of traditional roles is way more intricate than just something that men \'invented\'.