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Author Topic: Do yall have any suggestions and/or opinions...  (Read 424 times)

Renee

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Do yall have any suggestions and/or opinions...
« on: November 30, 2001, 07:42:00 pm »
well it\'s only TWO...Delta or AKA....the other ones don\'t count....(running out this post)....just kidding....
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Aphrodite64

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« Reply #1 on: November 30, 2001, 08:05:00 pm »
Another reason to add to my \"perfect little Indigo\" impression---LOL
 quote:I\'ve never been to one...[/B]
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Indigo_Rhayne

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« Reply #2 on: November 30, 2001, 08:59:00 pm »
I imagine you to be a skinnier, more muscular Cree Summer type
Ah, I just go to the beach (it\'s in the 80\'s today!!! and tomorrow too!!!) .... and call it a day... and how about you? nobody can tell if you\'re crying if you\'re under water all the time...
although Mz. Cleo has caught my eye once or twice....
Hey....it\'s a full moon tonite  enjoy!!!
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Michelle

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« Reply #3 on: December 01, 2001, 12:27:00 am »
Thank you all so much for responding and giving your input.  Yes, couseling sessions are only about an hour...been when I was a kid.  It\'s embarrasing though, so I thought that since I had overcome other issues in my life by researching and reading up that I could write a letter to my dad to release some feelings there.  I did get over the pain from the ex but am sure that the trust issue is from the dad situation.
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Michelle

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« Reply #4 on: December 01, 2001, 12:47:00 am »
IR & A64, it takes a long time to reveal your life in order for a therapist to actually help you come to a conclusion.  I\'ve talked to my mom a lot since she already knows me and my life.  She helps some.  I believe some one mentioned an uninterested third party...
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Michelle

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« Reply #5 on: November 30, 2001, 12:34:00 am »
...on how to let the baggage from my previous relationship go?
Hi, I\'m Michelle.  Some of you may have seen a post from time to time from me...I\'ve been reading these forums for around, oh, three years.  Anyway, I just thought that since I am now asking for advice, the least I could do was introduce myself.
Here is alittle background on myself:
I\'m a 29 year old BW with an eight year old son from a previous marriage.  I am an Administrative Assistant for a labor union.  I divorced my ex three years ago because of his cheating.  I am currently dating a nice man who I am very interested in, but I have trust issues.  I find myself wanting to tell him things about me but stop because I don\'t feel I can trust him to keep it to himself.  (He told me personal things about another girl he used to date who I know.)  I tend to blow up or over-react to things that seem minute to him and I have taken the time to explain to him that it\'s because I didn\'t have a dad around or because my ex cheated.  He seems to be working with me by talking things out and listening to what I have to say.  I think his tollerance of my behavior will only last so long if I don\'t get a handle on my temper.  I don\'t want to sabatouge a good thing.  
What do you guys suggest?
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Pebbles31

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« Reply #6 on: November 30, 2001, 02:04:00 am »
Hi Michelle,
Only thing I can suggest is, You should not allow the old relationship to dampen the new relationship...  The man you are dating now is entitled to a clean slate... Please whatever you do, do not punish the new guy for what your ex had done... It is not fair to the new guy in your life...
What I noticed about some men, when they start revealing intimate or private secrets to a woman... There is that element that this man feels like a deeper bond is developing between your...  Maybe, this guy is starting to feel comfortable around you enough to open and speak from his heart...  
Michelle, all I can say is, \"Listen to your heart\"...  You know the answer to your questions...  If your heart is telling you to be cautious then listen to your heart... You know, this is what we call \'intuition\'
Michelle, just take your time and move at your own pace... If you are not ready to open fully to this person, tell him you need more time, but you still want to continue seeing and learning about him...  If this man stick by you through your traumas, than there is more to this relationship...  
I just want to reinstate, \"Please, Do not lump this guy in the same category of a cheater, dog, etc... because of your bad history of relationships... GIVE HIM A CHANCE!
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diva_511

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« Reply #7 on: November 30, 2001, 02:00:00 pm »
Since you recognize this as a problem that you may not be able to get over by yourself, why not seek counseling (pastor/psychologist)?  You seem to have 2 very large issues that you seem to need help breaking down and getting over.  Whatcha think?
For myself, I am a cut and dry person, so if I\'m over you, I\'m over you.  My life is too full (child, work, school, pampering myself, family, friends, outside interests...getting ready to pledge, etc.) to sit around and harp on past issues.  However, people are different and handle situations differently.
BTW, welcome to the other side of the board (posting vs. lurking)!
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rain

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« Reply #8 on: November 30, 2001, 02:49:00 pm »
If you really have a good thing and want to keep it you should seek some professional help to assist you in dealing with the pain and anger you have. Ask where is it coming from? Do you still have emotional feelings for the ex? I mean what\'s the hold up? And why do females think they got tell all their business just because they are in love? Your past is gone and there is really no reason to go digging around in his past or yours.
[This message has been edited by rain (edited 11-30-2001).][This message has been edited by rain (edited 11-30-2001).]
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Indigo_Rhayne

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« Reply #9 on: November 30, 2001, 03:37:00 pm »
quote:Originally posted by Michelle:
I find myself wanting to tell him things about me but stop because I don\'t feel I can trust him to keep it to himself.  Are these issues relevant to your current relationship with this new guy? If not, then there\'s no real reason to spill your guts until you feel comfortable.  Sometimes it\'s better just to let the past stay in the past. Once you start sharing personal past info, you have absolutely no control over it. You\'ve handed over power.
And if it\'s still something that you haven\'t properly laid to rest, each time he brings it up could stir up all that pain, reopening a wound that you need to close and heal from.
If you really feel the need to rehash some past painful issues, I\'d talk to a uninterested 3rd party first. I\'d get just a little friendly counseling and wait until I could honestly say that the issue is in the past before I\'d talk to this new bf about it.
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Aphrodite64

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« Reply #10 on: November 30, 2001, 04:51:00 pm »
IRain is givig solid advice.  It sounds like the real issue is WITHIN YOU.  Seek out a good therapist whom you trust and spill your guts to your hearts\' content....  You only get 50 minutes a session though.
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Renee

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« Reply #11 on: November 30, 2001, 05:34:00 pm »
ITA with the ladies..
 
You only get 50 minutes a session though...LOL
Admin Asst to a labor union...dang I know you meet LOTS of hunky men...
Diva Who are you pledgeing?   My cousin was tring to pledge Delta...but she had so  much stuff on her plate (no kids) just work, school she is working on her law degree, Phd...something like that...she had her master\'s long ago..., her father problems, always running around, etc...Our Aunt is the President of the chapter she was pledged..(Auntie also paid half her fees)..girl it was a Mess...LOL..however my other cousin ..BachelorsÂ…full time police officer ...crossed over...because she had more patience and less TUDE!!  
You still get hazzed in certain organizations...no matter how long you have been out of school.
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Indigo_Rhayne

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« Reply #12 on: November 30, 2001, 06:26:00 pm »
quote:Originally posted by Aphrodite64:
 You only get 50 minutes a session though. How do you know?????? I\'ve never been to one...
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diva_511

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« Reply #13 on: November 30, 2001, 06:42:00 pm »
quote:Originally posted by Renee:
Diva Who are you pledgeing?
*big gasp* I can\'t tell on the boards!
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Michelle

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« Reply #14 on: December 01, 2001, 12:34:00 am »
Pebbles, you are right about listenting to my intuition.  He has been open with me on various things...like the other women he calls \"friends\".  They give him gifts and do for him, he tells me he\'s not sleeping with anyone but it doesn\'t feel like that in my heart.  I\'m not a jealous person and I have male friends too.  Only the ones that like me do for me and give me things...maybe I\'m worring over nothing?
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