Dating & Relationship Forums - DatingChat.org

BanjoNo you didn\'t just call this woman a b*tch.  It\'s one thing to think it, but it\'s another to say it!  That was a bit disrespectful, especially since you don\'t know her.  You have jumped to the conclusion that she is trying to trap this man and \"intentionally\" got pregnant.  Ever heard of accidents?  You never even thought that this guy needed to take some responsibility for this.  If he had unprotected sex with her, is it just her fault or his too?  Be realistic.  It\'s no more her fault than his.  Whatever happens to this man and his family, HE is responsible.  He made his bed, now he MUST lie in it.  Remember, Banjo, this child is now involved.  The child is the innocent one and should not be punished for his/her parents mistakes. Learnedmylesson, I think you should leave the wife out of it for now.  I\'ve been there and see the pain this causes.  I think you should get your child legitimized and then seek child support through the court. That way it doesn\'t make you seem vindictive.In the meantime, just take care of you and the baby.  No need to stir up things while you are pregnant.  I wish you success with this.  It\'s tough going through a pregnancy alone, but it will be worse if you try to pursue this vendeta.  Peace

learnedyourlesson..immediate responses from anyone are always going to be harsh ones especially since no one but you and him really know how everything went down.  It is very easy to label someone a B%$#%.  And in SOME cases the title is appropriate.  Know one should judge anyone.  You need to do a lot of deep sole searching and determine the true reasons why you think you want to have this child.  I have been where you are at and have no regrets in having my child.  But some woman tend to have children thinking the children will keep the man in their life and this thinking doesn\'t always come true and the end result is resentment towards the child.  Do not tell his wife..nothing good will come from it.  If you need to talk more about without a judgement place on you.. write me at Beenthere@celticweb.com and we can continue one female to another female.

Now,  you are trying to use excuses to validate the reasons for doing what you did. First of all,  you started off by telling the board the STUPID mistakes you made.   Which means to me,  that you knew YOU were wrong on YOUR OWN accord.    In this new post you said he supposedly had troubled times at home?............Which means that based on what he told you.........you got involved with him to take  advantage of his vulnerability too.       You said you found out later that he wasnt having troubled times at home so you broke it off?That doesnt sound like a vulnerable person to me.......That sounds like you knew exactly what you are doing.   If he was going through troubled times at home,  your sleeping with him surely isnt going to help his troubled times.     You were looking out for yourself,  and wanted a relationship with him.    Besides......Is this some kind of new therapy for troubled marriages?   Women see a man going thru troubled times with his wife,  so she sleeps with him until she finds that there is no troubled times?   The dead give-away to how bogus this sounds is.........HE IS LIVING WITH THE WOMAN,  NOT YOU????You said in the first post.........\"Since I am pregnant he no longer wants anything to do with me\".      I find that statement somewhat contradicts this new statementYou said..........\"I had already broken it off with him BEFORE I found out I was pregnant.\"        If you broke it off with him like you said ,  you didnt have a relationship with him anymore.    But when you say \"SINCE I am pregnant he longer wants anything to do with me\"........that suggests that you were still involved with the guy up until the time you informed him that you were pregnant.    In other words,  there are too many holes to believe everything you have posted.   Since it is advice you seek..........take this as some brotherly advice.    Start taking responsibility for your own actions and stop making bogus excuses for being vulnerable.  Your legs dont spread and your clothes dont mysteriously fall off because of vulnerability.   You knew exactly what you were doing and you knew both of you were hiding behind lies and it backfired.    You blew your credibility when you asked the first question........\"Should I tell her if he wont?\"     You have brought shame on yourself and you are refusing to accept fully YOUR OWN responsibility.   You want your shame to be shared with the man ,  and since he wont acknowledge you........you want his wife to know so you can bust him for leaving you alone.   And you claim you feel sorry for her?    I dont think so.......I think you have always been thinking about yourself thru this whole charade,  and now you are plotting and thinking of ways to cause more damage.  You really want to learn a lesson?    Learn that using excuses , your circumstances and playing a victim to validate making mistakes is a sign of irresponsibility, ignorance and selfishness.  Once you sit still and just understand that,  then you will be in a better position to think clearly and stop thinking stupid.

Pooh.......she already got her advice.   She asked a basic question.  \"Should I tell her since he won\'t? Or just let it come out after the baby is born? \"Almost every poster gave her feedback telling her why she shouldnt.    Any other feedback on this board was strictly the opinions people shared.    LML.....is the one who decided to offer more feedback , even after getting her advice on what she should do about the man\'s wife. That means that she is an active participant in this discussion.    In fact she should have known she would get more feedback even though she only asked for advice.Just like she knew she could get pregnant having sex even with protection.  In both instances,  she knew the risks and in both instances she got more than she bargained for.This is just one of the many lessons of life.  Don\'t be surprised or underestimate this sister......she probably welcomes the feedback.    Some people like to feel comfortable with their problems and they want people to stroke their egos.But sometimes some people dont want that. They recognize that it\'s not what they need in order to heal.   Those are the people who appreciate TOUGH LOVE.   That might be why she came here???.......I think she knew what she was doing.   LML,  I got my eye on you.( smile )

I had already made one mistake. When I cam to this board I was confused about what to do. I didn\'t want her to hear it from anyone but him. IF he wasn\'t going to tell her then I was. I wasn;t doing it to hurt him or her. Just the opposite. ALso not saying that I dodn\'t think she would be. Come to find out she is not hurt at all. So if something doesn\'t sound right then- SO!.I made it clear to him when I told him.. I can have it with or without you.

LML,Personally I think that the only reason that you wanted to tell his wife is that he blew you off when you sprung this news of the baby on him.  I don\'t think you wanted to really hurt her but feeling mad, angry, whatever at him for the ill response you received you wanted to hurt him back.  What better way then to stir up strife in the household.  You didn\'t want her to hear it after the fact, you didn\'t want her to hear it from anyone but him.  BUT IF HE DIDN\'T TELL YOU WERE.  Sounds like you had your answer already with you.  What did you want truly from this board.  A justification that you were doing the right thing.  I don\'t know if you truly broke it off before you found out or not.  You say that he was SUPPOSEDLY having problems but then you found out that he wasn\'t - HE LIED BASICALLY.  Then you state that the wife is willing to accept this baby, because she cheated first (so there were problems - no/yes). Or is that one of his LIES again.  You state you broke it off after finding out that he didn\'t have problems.  So did you feel pissed, used, lied to, and angered.  Sounds as if you were, because you BROKE IT OFF, yet you find him the type that you want to continue friendship with.  I don\'t want to come down on you but you change your story evertime there is something said to you.  I know that it is a natural response to defend, when attack, but hell.  I know what it is like to be in a sulken state, where comfort especially from the opposite sex is so nice.  You begin to think selfishly of only your feelings.  I can even deal with the ideal of the mistake.  The problem I have is your actions and words after the fact.Maybe next time when you ask for advice from someone you feed them a little more information in the begin.  Lastly this is only my opinion of your situation and the events thereof.  It could be different but this is how I feel about it.   Sad thing is had you stated it in this way in the beginning I would have felt completely differently about you.  Honest and being upfront in the beginning has always made me look at people differently, because as you stated we all make mistakes and all have an angry side but disception is something I have always had a problem with.Why don\'t you try praying next time first.  People don\'t come down on me very hard I stated in the beginning this is only my OPINION.

I don\'t know why everybodys screaming.  This is common in the black community.  I have at least 10 girlfriends and over the 6-7 years all but two of my friends husbands have children and committed adultery.One of my girlfriends just insult me for stating Im marry someone white.  Her husband just fathered two children outside the marriage ! She forgave him for the 1st child then the women came up to her job and announced that she was having a second child by her husband.She went out and got a second job to help ther husband met the expense for the child.  She said she doesn\'t want to be by herself so he father another one with the same women.Something is wrong with this picture, when I state that I wont be living this way.