Author Topic: What woudl you do?  (Read 1008 times)

Starchild

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What woudl you do?
« Reply #15 on: September 07, 2001, 05:28:00 pm »
This is clearly rape according to the penal code in NY, and almost certainly in any state.  If she has any doubt in her mind about whether or not she was raped, I assure you the DA will not.  Turn these bastards in, they\'re not friends.

Keba

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« Reply #16 on: September 07, 2001, 06:23:00 pm »
This sounds like rape to me.  They are supposed to all be friends and nothing else. So I don\'t see how she \"broke a code of conduct\" amongst friends.  I mean if they were all supposed to be friends then why shouldn\'t she feel comfortable and safe enough to \"let her hair down\" in the company of friends?
I don\'t think this is an issue of whether to absolve the woman of her responsibility to herself.  I see this more as an issue of men losing control.  
Also, I say that the friendship was questionable right from the jump because if they were truly friends, then this wouldn\'t have happened. Without her being around, they probably talked amongst themselves about their sexual intentions towards her. That evening brought their true intentions out.
If I were to say anything to the woman, it would be...\"be careful who your friends are.\"

Indigo_Rhayne

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« Reply #17 on: September 07, 2001, 07:04:00 pm »
quote:Originally posted by MzSheel:
   
Quote
Originally posted by Indigo_Rhayne:
Let me also state, Indigo, that I used your quote as a jumping off point, as this response is not directed solely at your response or at you individually.
I understand....nothing personal  I am amongst friend here....I hope...
And I do understand your point. But I don\'t feel that most women who are raped fit the \"loose woman\" criteria. And I don\'t think that most attacks are about sex, per se. It\'s all about power and dominating another human. Clothing or lack of it, is not the determining factor. If it were, then none of us could ever go to the beach and lie on the sand wearing a bikini or a one-piece speedo (which serious beach-goers like me tend to wear)... Now those that insist on wearing dental-floss better known as thongs are a different story all together  but even they are usually safe...
And in a social setting amongst friends, alcohol flows....especially when playing card games. Now...not that I\'m admitting to anything or telling on myself or nothing, or know this from personal experience....but for some, even after one drink, the next few slide down without incident or an indication that a serious slurring is about to occur. In fact, during a card game with an active host or bartender, it may be very difficult to accurately figure out how much you\'re drinking because people have a tendency to top off your drink. Or some people pour heavy and what looks like one drink could in all actuality be a double or a triple....And heaven help you if you\'re not drinking on a full stomach anymore. You may not know that you\'ve had too much to drink until you attempt to stand up. This is not an uncommon occurance. It happens even to experienced drinkers. This I know from personal experience too.
I dunno....And yet, the men who rape women are not usually drunk. But they do take advantage of and overpower women in various states of mind....most of the women are stone, cold sober too. Yes, it\'s probably easier to do if a woman is drunk but it may not be as satisfying to a rapist. Rape is about full dominance and making the rapist feel powerful because they have dominion over another human in such a personal, violently intrusive way.
Men rape because they hate women, not because they \"love\" them or are enticed.

vuitre

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« Reply #18 on: September 07, 2001, 11:15:00 pm »
MsSheel,
I applaud your open-mindedness.  I\'m surprised to see so many respondents assuming a rape has been committed.  
I don\'t see that type of thing happenin\' if they were true friends, unless she invited them.

Keba

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« Reply #19 on: September 08, 2001, 01:10:00 pm »
Crown, based on the scenario you gave, I would say that it was rape.  She had too much to drink and the guys saw that as their opportunity to sex her.  They were cognizant of what they were doing - she was not.  Just because she \"willingly\" went with them, doesn\'t mean that she was agreeing to have sex with them.  The fact that she was a stripper doesn\'t mean she wanted to have sex with them.  Now, I know that the onus is on her because she had too much to drink, but it still burns the shiit out of me that some guys do that.  But such is the nature of the beast. I can\'t stand people that prey on other people\'s weaknesses.
Just like some women read more into their relationship with a man when trying to look for love and the man is only thinking about sex; I think some men read more into the messages a woman sends out.  The man is thinking that the woman wants him sexually.  The key point between these two situations is that the women in the first scenario and the men in the second scenario are both only focusing on what they want.  The woman\'s desire being love and the man\'s desire being sex.  They block out all other information that\'s contrary to what they desire and therein lies the problem.
I do believe that there is and should be a code of conduct for females.  I teach my daughters about this code of conduct for females, honestly and openly.  I don\'t hold any punches with them.  But there really are some naïve girls/women out here who think they\'re in a harmless situation, only to find out that the situation isn\'t safe at all.  It\'s easy enough to teach our daughters how to protect themselves, but in real life, the events that can lead up to our children being harmed, do not play themselves out the way we expect them to.  Experience now becomes their best teacher.  The dynamics of an unfortunate situation just aren\'t so evident and this is why a lot of girls (and women) get caught up. I think the girl Mike Tyson raped, Desiree (I think that\'s her name), fits neatly into this theory.
I recently saw a woman who appeared to be drunk.  She was throwing up and staggering horribly.  Thank goodness she had a man with her who was attending to her.  I couldn\'t help for thinking that had that man not been with her, she would have easily been a target for some mishap.

Indigo_Rhayne

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« Reply #20 on: September 08, 2001, 01:11:00 pm »
quote:Originally posted by crown:
she was drunk....she is a stripper... and she WILLINGLY left the club with them. if they took her somewhere and had their way with her, would it have been rape??

If she is tipsy, slurring words and a little incoherent, there is no real meeting of the the minds....She\'s drunk and not in her right mind.  You can\'t get consent.... And sex is a consenual act between adults.  I also admit that this is a gray area for many people. Women who allow it to get to this stage are in great danger. But I do think that it is rape or sexual battery.
Even if she left the place of her own free will with these guys and acted like she wanted to go further, it\'s not a done deal yet. She can still change her mind. But at this late stage, if she can\'t muster a strong and hard NO, the guys may not even notice the change in her demeanor. Can most men back off at so late a point????? I don\'t want to know personally.
But even still, I feel that the men must have her consent before they do the dirty deed. Even if up until the point of penetration she was flirty, smiling, talking trash all while her being naked and having her business all exposed, if she says no or is incoheirent at that very late point, it\'s still rape or maybe a better phrase is sexual battery. Guys have to get the agreement no matter what.
And did she contribute to this mess and allow herself to be in a very bad situation....could she have avoid this whole scenario....yes. These specific types of gray area situations are preventable.
Sex has to be a consentual for it not to be a crime.

diva_511

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« Reply #21 on: September 09, 2001, 08:56:00 am »
quote:Originally posted by Renee:
She was rapped!
What is scary is that many would think the men are uneducated, ghetto, etc……My girlfriend was ganged raped – same scene…drinking plus they dropped something in her drink……by Fraternity brothers- one brother went on to become a doctor - GYN!


Renee, if they did that, then they were uneducated, ghetto trash!!!

RR

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« Reply #22 on: September 09, 2001, 09:17:00 pm »
We don\'t know for sure whether the woman was raped. According to Mindkandy\'s description, the woman had been drinking and doesn\'t remember what happened. She could have consented to sex and then passed out. The men were also drunk. Would the men have been able to accurately determine her mental state when they themselves were mentally impaired? Who is to say that they remember what happened. If drunkenness is a reasonable excuse for the woman\'s lack of responsibility why isn\'t drunkenness a reasonable excuse for the men?  
Suppose, instead of being penetrated, the woman left her friends in a drunken state and hit someone with her car on her way home. She gets home and promptly passes out. She doesn\'t remember what happened. Is she still culpable? Is she not still responsible for her actions even if she was temporarily mentally impaired? Unless this woman can prove that she had been drugged, she has a very weak case.
It is my firm belief that heterosexual men and women, unless they are totally physically repulsive to each other, can not EVER be friends. Sexual tension can\'t exist between friends. I would not categorize long term intimate relationships between men and women (in marriage, for instance) friendships. I\'m not sure what to call them, but they are not friendships. Intimacy precludes friendship. The same holds for parent/child relationships. Parents and children can\'t be friends.
Additionally, as Indigo points out, sexual consent is a gray area. I don\'t consider myself a rapist, but I have yet to ask a woman for sex, including my wife. I have never said:
\"Would you like to have sex with me?\"
This question undermines the seductive enterprise. Women know how to stop a man\'s advances. If a guy has to verbalize a sexual request, he is doing something wrong.[This message has been edited by RR (edited 09-09-2001).]

diamond62203

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« Reply #23 on: September 09, 2001, 09:37:00 pm »
She was Raped, this day in age, THE LAW (which we all no is a joke) states that without the woman\'s consent IT IS RAPE.
However, this is the old Bird\'s of a feather flock together scenario.
1. SHE NEEDS HELP...I\'m sorry but I\'m forty years old, I do drink..more when I was younger..even when I was in college I never got to the point where I was so drunk I couldn\'t feel that someone was taking off my clothes...or actually passed out..the worse is when I new I had to much to drink so I wouldn\'t drive, but I wasn\'t so drunk that I was unaware of my surroundings...or couldn\'t hold an intelligent conversation.
2..I say birds of a feather, because after knowing someone for FIVE years..she NEVER got an indication that these men were sleazy nasty..low down scum..they were always perfect gentlemen untill that night...They are RAPIST..point blank..but they have NEVER said anything that gave her pause..or was it that she was always to high and drunk to notice what they were saying....
It\'s a double edged sword here...she can press charges they\'ll be picked up questioned...who knows how far it will go...but geeshhh. whatever happens she needs to learn to choose her friends more wisely...Five years is a long long time...